Do you think I'm beautiful? Chapter 3

24. června 2015 v 1:22 | Říjnová |  Do you think I'm beautiful?
Kapitola třetí. Jsem ráda, že to někdo čte :) Komentáře můžete klidně psát v češtině :)

Vtipný je, jak jsem tohle psala už dávno, že když si kousek přečtu, použila bych teď jiný výrazy. A troufám si říct, že i lepší. Možná.

Jinak jsem do menu přidala svoje jméno na Kik a odkaz na instagram a twitter :) To abyste mě mohli stalkovat xD


The door slammed and Jen jumped, her eyes wide opened.

What the hell did just happen?

Jen was staring at the door of the guest room that was supposed to be her room for this week. She wanted to run after Lana and hug her and comfort her and wipe her tears away and stare in her eyes and maybe also kiss her li-...What? No! That can't be what she wanted. She wanted to cover herself with the sheets and hide from the world and disappear. That what just has happened, that all felt strange. Like she did something wrong.


She saw Lana's face. She saw pain in her eyes. Jen was confused. Did she hurt Lana with what she said? But why? She didn't want to hurt anyone. Not now and not later. Because that's what it ends up like. They were both experienced enough to know that making out or even having sex with a friend, with a close friend, usually doesn't end well. It usually destroys the friendship, slowly, but it does. And Jen wasn't willing to take the risk. She admired Lana, she was thankful that they were friends.


Yes, she thought she was incredibly hot. Sometimes she caught herself just staring at Lana with an opened mouth and admiring her and then she usually freaked out that she shouldn't like her that way so much.

Jen was rubbing her face as she was thinking hard. She didn't know what to do; she didn't know what to think. She felt confused and helpless and it hurt her that she probably hurt Lana. She wanted to go to her and explain it everything, again and better. But on the other hand, she didn't actually know much what to say. She knew why she stopped that. There she was sure. But she couldn't explain even to herself why she started this in the first place.


She could have just told Lana what she likes about her; there was no need to touch her. But it was so tempting, as Lana was lying there in the perfectly fitting tank top, with her hair spread on the pillow. And the tone in that she talked to Jen and the way she looked her in the eyes, it felt just like an invitation...

"Stop it!" Jen cried out and threw a pillow across the room angrily. She started to cry. She was scared with her opposite thoughts.

She knew they have to talk about what happened, otherwise it will always be in the air and they will feel uncomfortable. And she knew it should probably be her who should start this conversation.


She lay down on the bed, tears slowly flowing from her eyes. Maybe it's better to leave it for tomorrow so they can both calm down and clear their minds.

Jen stopped sobbing. Why did Lana feel hurt? Nothing really happened so she had to feel that way. The only thing Jen said was that she doesn't want to make out with her friend. That's not so bad, they could both laugh about it and do stupid jokes. There's no need for tears unless....Unless...!

Oh my God! Jen sat up quickly.


What if...? What if...?


She was afraid to even say it in her head.

What if there's something more? What if Lana wants more from her? And with more she didn't exactly mean sex.


Bullshit.

That just can't be.


It felt good, for both of them, obviously, but that's all. They are both just exhausted so they overreacted. It will be okay tomorrow, Jen was sure.

♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀

On the other side of the house there was Lana lying in her bed. She couldn't cry, there were just tears running out of her eyes. She has calmed down a little bit and now she felt embarrassed because of her reaction.


She couldn't stop the tears. She felt pain in her chest. She wanted nothing but cry. That's why she had to leave the room immediately but she didn't know why she reacted that way.

The time spent with Jen was the time she didn't have to think. She didn't have to be afraid that she said something silly, that she didn't look much representatively, that she did some stupid face. And that was what happened back in the guest room. She didn't really think about what she was doing and what she was saying. She didn't know why she asked Jen to kiss her. It just felt right in that moment. She didn't know why that all went a little further.


She knew she shouldn't do this. This is not a thing that you do with your best friend. But in that moment it felt so right! And when it once felt right, is it really bad?

She was surprised with her feelings. She's always loved Jen. As a friend. She loved her very much. But this, all the touches that felt so good on her body, the kiss and all the words, it was like it has opened some secret door. A door she didn't even know that existed. And behind the door, there were feelings for Jen even stronger.


Lana was lying on her right side with the back to the door, looking out of the window. It was already dark and there was hardly anything to see but Lana didn't care. She didn't see anything anyway. She was lost in her thoughts. She could still feel Jen's lips pressed against hers. She could feel Jen's finger in her cleavage.


She was afraid to think about it but she couldn't stop herself. Apparently, this is not a thing one does with the best friend. But she felt some special connection to Jen, something she hasn't felt for any of her friends before. Of course she knew what Jen was talking about with the regretting and destroying a friendship but she was somehow sure that this was not their case. She was sure it wouldn't hurt their friendship if anything happened.

Or maybe Jen didn't feel the same way. Maybe Lana was just another close friend to her, among others. She doesn't probably feel any special connection like Lana does.

This thought scared Lana. She was thinking about the whole situation all over again. And again from backwards. And then one more time.

Jen did the same thing in her room.

They both fell asleep, exhausted with overthinking and some tears.

♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀

The sun stretching out its rays woke Jen up. The sleep helped her and she felt better. Well, at least mentally. Physically, it was not so good. Her eyes were swollen as the tears of desperation, confusion, fear and her feelings kept running out of her eyes for quite a long time.

She went to the bathroom and took a shower. She mixed the hot and cold water. Hot showers are good for thinking and the cold ones are good for waking you up.


She finally decided. She got dressed and with her hair still wet a little, she went talk to Lana.

When she was standing on the last stair, she was not so confident anymore but she was determined to continue. She knew she had to do this.

She knocked on Lana's door.

"Lana?" she asked, opening the door quietly in case Lana was still sleeping. Lana was still lying with her back to the door. Jen entered the room and crossed it to the bed. She sat herself on the edge and asked again, softly.

"Are you sleeping?"

Lana took a deep breath.


"No." She turned slowly around and looked at Jen. Her eyes were red too.

"How are you?" Jen asked hesitatingly as she wasn't sure how the things are today.

"Better than yesterday..." it was supposed to sound like a joke but it sounded a little bit like a reproach.

Jen was nervous and didn't know where to go with her eyes. Finally, she found enough courage to go on.

"Can we... can we talk?" She smiled a little, hoping that Lana won't throw her out.

 

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